- 13 Dec 2015 14:04
#14632056
One of the things I don't like about how history was taught to me as a kid was how early modern Europe is overlooked.
It's a fucking epic.
Spain is united under Ferdinand and Isabella - and of course everyone knows about Columbus. Charles V, Holy Fucking Roman Emperor, takes over half a continent in the New World in his life as master of Spain, Austria, and the Netherlands; after the Reformation breaks out in Germany he leads wars to pacify the country and leads to "cuius religio, eius religio", allowing the Protestant states to remain as long as the country is peaceful. He personally leads his army to one of the most historic victories in the German religious wars, painted by Titian. His armies sack Rome itself. He abdicates all of it and goes to a monastery where he dies.
Francis I of France engages in a massive struggle against Spain and France as a personal vendetta with Henry VIII until they join forces on the Field of the Cloth of Gold. This fails and he joins in an alliance with Suleiman the Magnificent of the Ottoman Empire to war on his enemies.
The war between Spain and France ends in the Peace of Cateau-Cambrésis where Francis's son Henry II is killed by a splinter from a lance during the celebrations of the peace.
The last Valois king of France, Henry III, (who was bisexual) dies, assassinated while besieging the walls of Paris. A Protestant prince of Navarre converts to Catholicism - "Paris is worth a mass," he quipped - to become the first Bourbon king of France.
A united fleet of European forces annihilates a Turkish fleet at Lepanto in the largest naval battle in 15 centuries.
Spain is locked in a struggle with the Netherlands called the Eighty Years War. William the Silent, just look at this guy, I'm not saying anything more about him because nothing needs to be said:
Oh, but he did get killed by an assassin. Still, don't fuck with anyone named William the Silent unless you're going to sneak up and shoot him point blank.
War breaks out in Germany again after some Austrians get thrown out of a window (Defenestration of Prague). The Thirty Years' War begins. The Catholics fight back until the sole city holding out against the Holy Fucking Roman Emperor is a city called Stralsund; Gustavus Adolphus of Sweden comes down, saves it, wrecks Imperial armies left and right and fights his way all the way down to central Germany where he dies in a victorious battle at Lutzen.
The exhausted German states sign a peace with the Holy Fucking Roman Emperor, which pisses off Cardinal Richelieu (you know him from The Three Musketeers) who promptly invades Spain. Meanwhile, Spain is being run by a guy named Olivares, who's so awesome they resurrected a title from ages ago called Count-Duke just for him. "God is Spanish and fights for our nation these days." he wrote.
Twenty years later Spain is still fighting with France. The Army of Flanders, holding the best soldiers in Europe, the symbol of Spain's invincibility, is destroyed by the Duc D'Enghien at the Battle of Rocroi. The German and Walloon tercios are broken, but Enghien, having surrounded the Spaniards after attacking them four times with cavalry offers them surrender terms where they leave with their weapons and flags held high. But after that battle the empire that Holy Fucking Roman Emperor Charles V built is breaking at the seams.
Rocroi:
[youtube]CTYuYxmICGo[/youtube]
I don't really have a point to this - it makes Game of Thrones look peaceful. And I was annoyed after studying history the fact that all of this epic shit was a sideshow during history classes when I was a kid.
It's a fucking epic.
Spain is united under Ferdinand and Isabella - and of course everyone knows about Columbus. Charles V, Holy Fucking Roman Emperor, takes over half a continent in the New World in his life as master of Spain, Austria, and the Netherlands; after the Reformation breaks out in Germany he leads wars to pacify the country and leads to "cuius religio, eius religio", allowing the Protestant states to remain as long as the country is peaceful. He personally leads his army to one of the most historic victories in the German religious wars, painted by Titian. His armies sack Rome itself. He abdicates all of it and goes to a monastery where he dies.
Francis I of France engages in a massive struggle against Spain and France as a personal vendetta with Henry VIII until they join forces on the Field of the Cloth of Gold. This fails and he joins in an alliance with Suleiman the Magnificent of the Ottoman Empire to war on his enemies.
The war between Spain and France ends in the Peace of Cateau-Cambrésis where Francis's son Henry II is killed by a splinter from a lance during the celebrations of the peace.
The last Valois king of France, Henry III, (who was bisexual) dies, assassinated while besieging the walls of Paris. A Protestant prince of Navarre converts to Catholicism - "Paris is worth a mass," he quipped - to become the first Bourbon king of France.
A united fleet of European forces annihilates a Turkish fleet at Lepanto in the largest naval battle in 15 centuries.
Spain is locked in a struggle with the Netherlands called the Eighty Years War. William the Silent, just look at this guy, I'm not saying anything more about him because nothing needs to be said:
Oh, but he did get killed by an assassin. Still, don't fuck with anyone named William the Silent unless you're going to sneak up and shoot him point blank.
War breaks out in Germany again after some Austrians get thrown out of a window (Defenestration of Prague). The Thirty Years' War begins. The Catholics fight back until the sole city holding out against the Holy Fucking Roman Emperor is a city called Stralsund; Gustavus Adolphus of Sweden comes down, saves it, wrecks Imperial armies left and right and fights his way all the way down to central Germany where he dies in a victorious battle at Lutzen.
The exhausted German states sign a peace with the Holy Fucking Roman Emperor, which pisses off Cardinal Richelieu (you know him from The Three Musketeers) who promptly invades Spain. Meanwhile, Spain is being run by a guy named Olivares, who's so awesome they resurrected a title from ages ago called Count-Duke just for him. "God is Spanish and fights for our nation these days." he wrote.
Twenty years later Spain is still fighting with France. The Army of Flanders, holding the best soldiers in Europe, the symbol of Spain's invincibility, is destroyed by the Duc D'Enghien at the Battle of Rocroi. The German and Walloon tercios are broken, but Enghien, having surrounded the Spaniards after attacking them four times with cavalry offers them surrender terms where they leave with their weapons and flags held high. But after that battle the empire that Holy Fucking Roman Emperor Charles V built is breaking at the seams.
Rocroi:
[youtube]CTYuYxmICGo[/youtube]
I don't really have a point to this - it makes Game of Thrones look peaceful. And I was annoyed after studying history the fact that all of this epic shit was a sideshow during history classes when I was a kid.